Mildly Bittersweet
by blackjeans101
Summary: What if Jacob did not save Bella on that day when she jumped off the cliff? Will Edward's Bella's love still continue? warning: major angst
1. Chapter 1: When I Loved Him

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Twilight or any of its characters that appear in Twilight or in New Moon. No copyright infringement is intended by writing this story.

**When I loved Him**

Memories fade away.

Perhaps Edward was right; my mind was like a sieve.

Maybe I would forget him after all.

I slammed on the brakes of my car and tightened my grip on the steering wheel. _No, he was wrong. However perfect he is, for once, he was wrong. _I leaned my head against the steering wheel and clenched my teeth together. I would never forget him. _Ever. _

Straightening up, I put the engine to life once again. I was going to the one place where I could hear him, his velvet voice.

I stopped my truck on the side of the road and got out. Eyeing the huge cliff where Jacob had promised we'd dive one day, I neared it carefully. I stepped toward the edge with a determination that I wouldn't back away. Here's to us, Edward.

"Bella!"

I grinned to myself, pleasantly surprised to have heard Edward's voice so soon. With a smile, I slowly trudged closer to the cliff's edge. My heart sank as I saw the deep, mysterious water swirling at the bottom, but was quickly lightened as I heard his voice again.

"Stop!"

I sniffed and squared my shoulders. Going into a crouch, I pointed my hands to face the water.

"Bella! Please, wait!"

The voice was urgent, and I grinned once again. I whispered,

"That's not going to work, Edward. I'm going to jump."

I inhaled a deep breath and closed my eyes. I felt one with nature as the wind swirled around my face and ruffled my hair. A silent tear rolled off my cheeks as I murmured,

"You see, Edward? I haven't forgotten you yet, and I don't intend to."

I leaped into the air. For a moment, it seemed as if time had been suspended and I was stopped. Only for a brief second.

Soon, I was crashing down the cold mist with the wind slapping at my face. I balled my hands into fists and screamed,

"Edward Cullen, I –"

I was not allowed to finish my sentence. I hurtled into the water, my body colliding with the icy coldness with a heavy splash. I spat salty water out of my mouth and swung my arms and legs around like a child. I flailed my legs for all I was worth, and soon I was holding unto a protruding rock of the side of the cliff.

For hours, or for minutes, I was not sure; I gripped tightly unto the sharp rock. Soon, my hand was slipping away, as energy seeped out of my body. I glanced at the dark, hostile water, my brain too numb to strategize.

I heard Edward's velvety voice, sad and grieving,

"Bella, swim! Try! Hold on, Bella, please hold on!"

I closed my eyes and smiled slightly. A whisper with a voice barely mine came from my cold lips,

"I love you Edward. Goodbye."

With that, I let my hand slip entirely from the rock.


	2. Chapter 2: Tearless

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Twilight or any of its characters that appear in Twilight or in New Moon. No copyright infringement is intended by writing this story.

_I would like to thank everyone who had reviewed with sincere gratitude!_

_This chapter will be in Edward's POV._

**Tearless**

I was sitting on a big rock in a forest, hiding in the shadows of the trees. With a frown that seemed to have embedded itself forever into my complexion, I scowled at two birds singing together on a wobbly branch, happy as a lark. They seemed to be singing a joyful song, fluttering their wings, hopping delicately around the unstable bough. I half wanted them to fall off the branch, angry that they should be so happy while I was thoroughly beyond miserable.

But who was I to encroach upon their bliss? I had just intruded upon Bella's life, and I shouldn't do so again to any other. I sighed, thinking again for the thousandth time of Bella's smiling face, her big brown eyes innocently gazing at me. I punched the ground with a clenched fist, angry that I should break my promise not to think of her again. It only gave me pain. I had no right, not one ounce of privilege to long for her.

I plopped down on the ground and stared up at the green leaves of the trees entwined together.

Was she happy?

Did she move on?

I hoped so, but the other half of me wished fervently that she had not. Although I had hidden any traces of myself, I prayed that her memory would hold me forever, until death.

Death. A frustrated sigh escaped my lips as I covered my eyes with my hands. Bella was always endangering her life, clumsy and unbalanced as she was. Automatically, a smile came to my lips as I recalled her always tripping and bumping into things, then calling out with a sweet voice that she was fine.

My thoughts abruptly came to an end as the annoying ringing of my cell phone started again. My family member was probably calling to ask if I was ok, and what was I doing, if I could come home. It was Alice. I snatched up the phone to stop the irritating vibrations and growled,

"What?"

Alice's voice was worried and panicked as she said,

"Edward, I think something is wrong with Bella."

My brain instantly froze, and it seemed as if my dead heart sank to the ground. I cried out,

"What did you see?"

"Bella jumped from a cliff and crashed into the water. But that was all I saw, and the vision went blank."

I stood up and stared blankly at the forest, my brain too numb to think. Alice's voice called out,

"Edward? Are you there? Edward! Do you think she committed suicide?"

I didn't answer. I _couldn't _answer. I let the phone slip from my hands as I continued to stare into the dark, brooding woods. My cell phone smashed unto the hard ground, making a sickening _crack _as it landed. But my eyes were focused on the spaces between the trees. I did the only thing that I could do at the moment. I ran.

I ran, my dry sobs racking my body until it shook.

I ran until the sun went down, until it was night. Finally, I collapsed unto the hard soil, still howling with the searing pain that tore at my chest. I grabbed a fistful of dirt, my pale hands stained with brown marks. I clenched my teeth together, my face tight and hard.

Maybe she didn't die. Alice's visions weren't always true. Still mournful, I walked slowly back home.

Esme threw open the door, her face mourning and worried. She did not greet me with hugs and exclamations of joy, which I was grateful for. My family had gathered in the living room, their faces grieved and serious. The only face angry was that of Rosalie's.

She strode to where I was and grabbed my shoulders angrily. Her face was snarling as she screeched,

"Where have you been? Moping around? Did the news of poor Bella bring you here? Is she that important, more important than your _family_?"

I growled,

"Get off me, Rosalie."

She snorted and glowered at me, her golden eyes flashing.

"Bella died, Edward. Stop putting our family into this mess and get back to your life!"

"Rosalie."

Carlisle stood up from his seat and put a stern hand on her shoulder. He was frowning as he muttered,

"Please, let's postpone this until later. Right now, we must do something."

Rosalie threw me another dirty look and stormed out of the room. Emmett sighed and went after her, and gave me an apologetic glance. I turned to Alice and read her thoughts.

_I wonder if Bella is really dead… I hope not…_

She turned to me and noticed me reading her thoughts. She shook her head and gave me her vision.

Bella neared the cliff, and she was grinning to herself. She whispered in the softest voice,

"That's not going to work, Edward. I'm going to jump."

I reached out automatically as I saw her leap into the air and fall rapidly into the black vacuum. When the vision ended, I sank down unto the ground and stared at the small window of the living room. Then, I decided.

"I'm going to Forks."

"We're coming too."

Jasper stood up, his face worried. I snapped,

"No, I'm going alone."

"Edward…"

I stood up rapidly, my face adamant. No one made another step or action to stop me as I quickly walked to the door.

The cool night breeze hit my face as I began to run frantically to the nearest airport, my thoughts only on Bella.

If she was dead, I could not live with myself.


	3. Chapter 3: Utterly Absurd, new version

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Twilight or any of its characters that appear in Twilight or in New Moon. No copyright infringement is intended by writing this story.

_**This is mostly that original chapter 3, but I decided to fix it a little bit**… The plot was kind of confusing, so I had to change it and all that. I'll tell you in the story which part is new… it's at the bottom. :) It's basically 2 chapters combined into one. _

_Thank you…_

_P.S I'm really sorry for not updating sooner. I'll try to update regularly from now on… I might even be able to type some during my vacation or something. _

**Utterly Absurd**

"Hello, how may I help you, sir?"

The woman behind the counter smoothed her navy suit with her finger, her annoying thoughts ringing in my ears. _He is so hot! Good thing that I wore make up today. I knew that something good was going to happen. _She smiled, showing off her overly glossy lips. Humans! They were all the same! It was irking and most bemusing, but I controlled my face complexion. I smiled politely –_Oh my gosh, he just smiled at me? At me, right?_- and said,

"Excuse me, do you have any extra plane tickets left for the airplane to Seattle, Washington?"

The woman looked surprised. She said in a rueful tone,

"I think you can only get it by prepaid arrangement…"

I leaned closer, however resentful I was of this, and flashed my teeth at her. Her eyes immediately drew notice of my teeth and lingered there. I breathed,

"Do you have any plane tickets left?"

The woman looked flustered as she opened a drawer and took out a mustard colored folder. She grinned at me and mouthed,

"One moment."

I nodded and went to a nearby chair to wait. I stared blankly at the laughing travelers, talking and telling each other how much they had, or is going to have. I sighed and hung down my head. The vision of Bella jumping kept playing in my mind, becoming clearer and more painful each time.

"That's not going to work, Edward. I'm going to jump."

I no longer reached forward to save her from her leap. It was now more of a painful, agonizing viewing of her actions. I felt like a fool to just stand by and watch her.

"Sir?"

The woman at the counter motioned me to her, a foolish grin on her face. I quickly got up and strode, a little too fast for a human jog, to the desk.

The woman winked and waved a plane ticket in my face.

"I contacted the Department of—"

I didn't care to focus on what she had said next. Fishing out money, I basically shoved it at her in my hurry to get the airplane ticket.

"The Plane to Seattle leaves in twenty minutes."

A woman's voice blared out to every inch of the airport, causing many to shuffle their baggage, annoyed that it wasn't an announcement to call them into their certain planes. The ticket clenched in my fist, I hurriedly handed it to the man checking them. He nodded in a bored way for me to get in, and unhooked the red, velvet rope. Having no baggage with me, I immediately sat down.

Finally, the plane started to ascend.

Every minute in the air seemed to tick by like hours, nourishing my angst and nervousness.

When the plane rolled to a stop, I ran out, ignoring the stares that people gave me. It took a lot of my patience to not just break into my vampire speed. I didn't stop running until I was outside.

"Taxi!"

I waved my hand at a nearby taxi, which stopped at my signal. Hurriedly, I opened the door and handed the driver extra cash. One thing that I knew for sure, humans were driven by greed.

"Go fast. Forks."

The driver nodded curtly and squealed to a start. My hand tapped impatiently on the leather seat, which made the driver go faster. I sighed in frustration. Couldn't the man go any faster? He was driving at 60 mph, which he considered road racing.

"Excuse me."

The taxi driver, focused on the driving which he considered highly risky and dangerous, grunted a reply.

"Stop here."

He started at my sudden statement, but obeyed. When we were on the side of the road, I tapped the driver on the shoulder.

"Move over, I'm driving."

His eyes nearly popped out of its sockets. I sighed in frustration. The faster we get there, the better.

"I won't steal the car."

I searched in my pockets and drew out two hundred dollar bills.

"Here, take this and move over."

The driver fingered the bills greedily, licking his lips. His slow thoughts reasoned with himself that I was not going to steal the car. Finally, he nodded and scooted away from the driving seat. With relief, I hurriedly got in front of the steering wheel.

Ignoring the driver's frantic thoughts concerning my speed, I drove along, my eyes glaring at the road. The green sign reading, "Welcome to Forks" went by like a blur. I squeaked to a stop at the cliff that I had seen in Alice's vision. Turning halfway, I handed the driver all the money left over in my wallet.

"Thanks."

I dashed to the edge of the cliff, my feet creating splashes in the small puddles of rain. I peered down the cliff's edge with an ache pounding at my heart. The water was as exactly as the vision had shown. The murky liquid swirled around in erratic directions, rhythmically clashing against the cliff. I knelt as I imagined Bella standing here, a firm resolution to end her life. I slowly stood, not caring to brush off the dust that was staining my clothes. There was only one way to confirm this, and it was to dive into the water myself. I knew that by being here, I was defying the long kept treaty, but that did not matter now.

I bent towards the water, my eyes focused. With a small breath, I jumped.

The fall was much too slow, and I was hurried to get into the water to begin my search. It was nothing compared to running vampire style.

I slid into the water gracefully, not even making a small splash. The water rippled from my body as I concealed myself within its watery gloom. I grabbed one of the sharp protruding rocks as I stared wildly at my surroundings.

I may have been swimming for hours. It was strange, how time seemed to pass underwater. Minutes could stretch to hours, yet shrink to seconds. Even my perfect vampire brain could not keep track of how long I had been searching. The gray rocks looked all the same as I dashed past them, looking for _anything _to tell me what had happened to Bella.

I punched the side in frustration, then quickly regretted it as it began to shake. I cursed under my breath and began to swim up when I saw something fall from the corner of my eye. When I turned around to face the falling object, I beheld that it was a white shoe. It must've fallen when the cliff vibrated. I shot toward it like a bullet, my brain thudding against my head excitedly.

My hand outstretched, I grabbed the shoe. I nearly dropped it when I realized who had worn it. My body shook uncontrollably as I stared at it wildly, repeating to myself that the horror that I was beholding was not true. It was not true. I shook my head violently, small sobs escaping from my lips.

My grip on the shoe tightened as I hugged it closely to my chest.

Alice's vision was true, then.

I threw myself at the cliff's sharp sides, wanting to inflict myself pain. I did not care whether it was shaking, threatening to fall. I collided with it until my blood was floating around me.

Bella, Bella! No!

I leaned my head against the cliff, too grieved and too guilty to move. I was a murderer, the cause of the death of my angel.

Slowly, I moved my limbs to get out of the water. I could not live any longer. I did not deserve to live. I gradually drifted to the shore, my body too numb to care, too grief stricken to urge me to go faster. The tide pushed me to the sand, as if tired of me too.

_**This is the new part:**_

I got up slowly from the sand and gazed at the tranquil water gently swishing unto the shore. The sun glazed over the water and shone right at my face, but I did not care to squint. This would be the closest I would ever be to my Bella. I cursed myself silently, a fool that I was, for letting her go like this.

The only human I would ever love and cherish.

Soon, the curtains of nightfall began to envelope over the beach. I was breaking the treaty. The law, by being here. But that was the least I could do for Bella, just one last time, before I gave myself up to death.

"You! Bloodsucker!"

I turned around with a small smile, already expecting what was to happen next.

"Why the hell are you here? You are breaking the treaty!"

I stared at Jacob Black, his young, tan face creased in anger and confusion. His thoughts were filled with ire at what I was, at what I've done.

"I came here to find Bella."

Jacob clenched his fists and began to shake in anger. He snorted,

"Find Bella? Why? Weren't you the one who had left her in the first place?"

I didn't respond, but continued to gaze at the lapping water. I heard his thoughts slowly put two and two together. His eyes grew wide in pain and sheer anger. His voice was strangled as he pointed a shaking finger at me.

"You… you…! Bella… she… that's why she was missing…!"

This time, I couldn't respond. In a split second, Jacob had exploded into a gigantic wolf, his savage eyes glowering wickedly at me. A deep growl escaped from his throat, a bass sound of agony and fury.

His claw slashed through the air like a blur, clawing deep into my chest.

I gasped and gripped my bleeding chest painfully, but it was of no compare to the pain in my heart. I gave a pained smile and murmured,

"Thank you, Jacob."

Jacob paused, his eyes confused and frustrated. With an animal-like sigh, he came back to his normal human form.

His face was tight with anger as he said in a constrained voice,

"Go."

"No, kill me first."

The boy yelled,

"Go! I'm doing this for Bella! I don't want to kill you just because you can get rid of your stupid guilt!"

I gripped my wounded chest and said calmly,

"I know that you are angry at me—"

"Angry?"

Jacob's face was dripping with pure resentment and bitterness.

"You don't understand at all, do you? Have you any idea how Bella suffered because of you? And even through all that, she still loved you. It was _infuriating. _And I would kill you right now, if it wasn't for Bella. I'd—"

"You'd tear me to pieces and burn my flesh into ashes."

Jacob's eyes flashed as he growled,

"You mind reading bastard."

I smiled humorlessly and continued,

"And I know what you're thinking now. You are thinking about either just letting me go or calling to your other dogs."

Jake was shaking with fury as I whispered,

"Coward. Kill me yourself."

The young werewolf took a deep breath and snarled,

"I will, if we meet again."

With one last scowl, he turned his back at me and ran full speed in the opposite direction. I fell to my knees and clutched my chest with an agonized sigh. Jacob had refused to kill me. Then there was only one other…

I scraped the sand into my fists until my knuckles were whiter than bone. I was pathetic- my life was pathetic- without Bella. Was I to seek my death in order to get rid of this filthy guilt, this never stopping pain?

And the worst part of it was, it'd continue for eternity.

"Edward."

I snapped my head up at the sound of that gentle, soothing voice, my eyes scanning the beach crazily.

"Bella?"

My voice came out softer than a whisper of the wind, my dead heart aching. I let out a dry sob as she spoke again,

"Please go home."

"Bella! Where are you? Please come back to me!"

Her voice was fading into nothingness as she murmured softly in my ear,

"Live and love me forever."

I strained my eyes, although my vision was perfect in the inky night.

"Bella, Bella, no!"

But there was nothing more.

With one last dry sob, I slowly rose from the sand and walked quickly out of the beach: homeward.


	4. Chapter 4: The Beginning of the End

**Disclaimer: **Twilight isn't mine.

**The Beginning of The End**

_Thoughts of you,  
our history,  
flow through my mind insistently.  
My energy  
is wasted on remorse,  
and while I'm struggling desperately  
to keep my dignity,  
your destiny  
is following its course.  
A memory, life's driving force_

Whispers in the dark;  
a meeting at the park,  
a flash  
of sudden inspiration.  
We rode out into the night,  
surrounded by moonlight,  
to an unknown destination;  
and with memories following close behind,  
we climbed up a hill to gaze at the sky -  
to talk about life as it's passing us by,  
and we tried to find the reasons why

Is it useless to hope that this torment will cease  
and passions lose allure?  
That time will offer some kind of release  
and memories will blur?

_Karleen (netpoets)_

"Edward."

Alice laid her small hand on my shoulder, her eyes reflecting a sad light.

"It's been three years, Alice. And I can't move on."

"I know, Edward. It hurts."

"You don't know, Alice!"

I turned from the window and grabbed the nearest thing in my hand: a vase. I threw it across the room, letting go of all my anger. I shattered the window with my bare hands, my heart aching.

"Damn it all!"

I punched the wall, driving a large hole through it. I flattened my fist and slid down unto my knees helplessly. My body began to shake with my dry sobs as I whispered,

"Damn everything. Damn life."

Alice knelt beside me and buried murmured,

"It's ok, Edward. Everything will be ok."

"No it won't. Everything's nothing but fine."

There was a comforting silence, except for the wind tinkling at the broken shards of glass. My mind drew out flashes of Bella and my memory. Everything seemed to be alright then. How did it lead to this? 

"This is my entire fault. I shouldn't have left her."

"Don't you dare believe that! You did it for her good!"

I ignored her and continued,

"Sometimes, I wish I can forget."

"Edward…"

"I wish that I could, truly, find things to distract me, as I had claimed to Bella. I wish…"

I shook my head and whispered,

"I wish I wasn't such a monster."

I gripped the broken pieces of glass with my bare hands, squeezing them until my hand drew blood.

"No one knew what was going to happen. You didn't know. Even I, who can read the future, didn't know."

I shook my head and whispered,

"I told her nothing would happen to her."

I let the glass fall to the wooden floor, creating a tinkling noise.

"And she…"

I paused, letting the pain in my heart burn me.

"Trusted me."

The rain outside began to hurl themselves through the broken window, causing puddles on the floor. A piece of paper fluttered inside, landing in front of me. I picked it up and unfolded it.

_There's always a beginning in the end._

I shook my head and murmured,

"I am an exception, I think."

"No, Edward."

I looked up and saw Alice smiling sadly.

"There's always more in life. Who knows? Bella might still be alive. The world is a large place, Edward. And we have eternity to look."

"I looked for three years, Alice."

Alice shook her head and said,

"No, Edward. You _waited _for three years."


	5. Chapter 5: Revisting the Past

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Twilight.

Thank you so much for all the reviews!

A surprise that everyone has been expecting for forever at the end of the chapter.

**Revisiting the Past**

I was sprawled on my bed, mindlessly scribbling on my notebook.

_Sometimes, it's good to let your thoughts out._

My wrist moved in a free rotation, as if moving with a mind of its own. The black ink looked nothing more than lines and curves.

_As if there was any good in my life._

I stared out the window, my eyes slightly unfocused.

_How did it come to this?_

I shifted my eyes to my notebook and read the things that I have written. Three simple sentences, all true and cutting in their own way. Actually paying attention to what I was writing, I gripped the pen tightly. Was I willing to let my mind flow?

Was I brave enough?

A small voice whispered in my head, _You can't avoid your past forever, Edward Cullen. _I smiled humorlessly and murmured,

"A little visit to my perfectly clear vampire memory, then."

Hesitating for a brief moment, I let the tip of the pen slightly brush against the paper. It made the smallest scratching noise.

_B_

I paused and lifted the pen from the paper. With a slight ache to my heart, I continued,

_Bella_

A dot of ink dripped from my pen, as if being a substitute for my tear. My emotions flowing freely, I scribbled quickly,

_Bella, there hasn't been a second, a half of a second, that my memory wasn't on you and your beautiful face. I remember your soft, brown hair, your innocent eyes, your_

I realized how much I was hurting. How clean and sharp the pain was. Over the past years, my pain had been numb and bruising. Now, it felt like a new, sharp cut. I sighed and tossed the notebook and pen unto the ground.

I laid down on the bed, my arms supporting my head.

It seemed impossible how everything reminded of Bella.

I shifted my head slightly and saw the couch in the corner of my room. I smiled slightly, remembering how I had teased her that day.

It was amazing how her face could be so expressive.

I grinned in the first time in over three years as I thought of Bella.

**_Flashback:_**

Bella sat in front of my computer, her lips in a slight frown. I leaned over her shoulder and glanced at what she was looking at.

"Hawaii?"

"Yes. Jessica is going there over break, and she wanted me to search some things for her."

"Dangerous fish?"

Her cheeks flushed red as she continued to stare at the monitor. She muttered,

"Just for her benefit."

I chuckled and she grew a deeper shade of red.

"Let's just hope that your little friend doesn't get her arm eaten by an eel."

Her face grew serious as she nodded.

"That wouldn't be nice at all."

I muttered,

"If your little friend is a certain person named Mike, then it would be very nice indeed."

Bella rolled her eyes and asked in any annoyed voice,

"What do you have against Mike anyway?"

"Everything."

Bella only rolled her eyes once again and continued to scroll down the page. I gently lifted her and carried her on to the bed –"Hey!"—and sat on the computer chair.

Bella began to try to push me out of the chair, her small hands pushing at my shoulder. I grinned and stared at the computer screen.

"You know you won't prevail."

"I can try."

I clicked on the bottom of the page and started to type in my credit card number.

"Edward, what are you doing?"

"Buying tickets."

"What?"

"Buying tickets."

I turned to look at her, trying to hide my laughter. Her face was in a the most expressive shocked face I had ever seen.

"For…whom?"

"For you and me."

"W…Why?"

I grinned and murmured,

"Because I love you so much and I know you want to go."

Bella didn't respond, but continued to stare at me with a surprised face. I raised my eyebrows and asked,

"You _do _want to go, right?"

"Yes, b..but…"

"Then there's nothing to say more about that."

"When do we go?"

"After about three years. After you graduate high school, anyway."

"Why?"

"As a graduating present, I suppose."

Of course, I had torn up the airplane tickets when… I was immediately interrupted and put back into my present as I heard a gentle voice call,

"Edward?"

I closed my eyes ignored the soft calling of Esme.

"We are having a family discussion. Please come down."

I murmured,

"It's not like I'm a part of the family any more."

I heard the door click and Esme softly walk to me. I opened my eyes as Esme brushed her finger through my hair.

"Oh, come on, Edward. Of course you're the part of a family. We care about you."

I didn't say anything, but continued to stare at the ceiling. Esme continued,

"We know what you're going through, but maybe it's time to move on."

I shook my head.

"You don't know what it's like."

"You're right. But at least you can tell us what to do to make you feel better."

"Leave me alone, please, Esme."

"Edward, please come down. It's important."

_We're leaving Forks, Edward._

"It doesn't matter to me where we are going or what we'll do now."

"I know you miss Bella."

I flinched at the sound of that name. It has been thought of, written of, but to be spoken of was too painful. Esme put her hand on my arm soothingly as she murmured,

"We loved her too. She was part of the family."

Was.

"And, Edward, she might be still out there for what we know."

But her thoughts spoke otherwise.

Esme slowly got up and said,

"We're packing and leaving tonight. Get ready."

"I have nothing to pack."

It almost sounded good, to start a new life in a new town. Everything in Forks held a painful memory, too good and too agonizing to recall.

**OOOOOO**

"I'm not going to a damn school!"

"You have to, Edward! For our family!"

"I'm never going to go outside anyway."

"Edward…"

The family was gathered in our new house, looking at me with either furious glares or tired determination.

"Why can't you just leave me alone, damn it!"

I stormed out of the living room and outside. The cool air met me with a welcoming brush, but I cared not to appreciate it.

I ran to the park, not caring if anyone saw me.

I slowed down to a walk as I neared the entrance. The stars were merrily glittering in the sky, just like Bella's eyes had.

"Excuse me?"

I turned and saw a dark figure walking towards me. But that was not what had made me fall to my knees and call out in shock.

It was the scent.

Her scent.


	6. Chapter 6: We Meet Again

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Twilight

**We Meet Again**

"Excuse me?"

My brain was pounding madly against my skull as I peered into the darkness. The scent became painfully closer as she approached.

She wasn't alone.

The light from the lamppost glared sharply at Bella's features. She was still human, and even more beautiful than when I had remembered her. My eyes shifted to her small hand, which was linked with someone else.

My throat was tight as I whispered in a strangled voice,

"Bella?"

Her brown eyes reflected surprise and recognition. There was a painful silence, in which Bella examined me with her innocent eyes. The silence seemed to drag on for eons, but it was finally broken. Her tone was sharp as she uttered,

"Edward."

I cringed. It felt like a crackle of a whip on my back. The wounds in my heart burst open, burning with cutting, sharp pain.

The person beside her tightened his grip and stared at me with raised eyebrows. _Does she know him? This is a little suspicious…_ He turned to Bella and murmured,

"Do you know him?"

Bella shifted her eyes away from me. Her pale face glowed softly in the moonlight as she whispered,

"I knew him."

Knew.

She turned away and tugged on the stranger's hand.

"We don't have to go to the coffee store today. Let's go home."

_I wonder what's bothering her. I should ask her when we get home. _

I felt my throat throb painfully as I thought of Bella living with another.

Bella walked away with an angry stride, strangely graceful. I knelt on the ground, my knees colliding with the cold ground. The shadow of my hunched figure reflected gloomily on the concrete sidewalk.

She didn't turn back.

I watched her retreating figure being swallowed by the cruel darkness. Half of me wanted run and grab her wrist, to explain everything that had happened. Yet, after these three years, I was letting her go like this. Wasn't this the moment I had dreamt about for what seemed like an eternity?

"Edward!"

Jasper and Alice walked rapidly towards me, their faces wrinkled in worry. Alice peered at my sullen expression, while Jasper pulled me up. Alice murmured,

"Are you okay, Edward?"

I ignored this and just merely shook my head with a soft whisper,

"I let her go."

Jasper raised his eyebrows, pained.

_His pain is greater than before. What's going on?_

Alice grabbed my arm angrily, her pixie-like face dripping in anger and impatience. Her tone was sharp and frustrated as she scolded,

"Edward, I really didn't want to tell you this, but three years is enough, even enough for me. We know you let her go, but it was for her sake! The things that had happened is not your fault! She's gone now. You can't do anything about that! I'm sorry, Edward, but we just don't have the power to resurrect people."

I let her ramble on, only half of my focus on what she was saying. When I noticed that she was not talking anymore, I shook my head again. My lips were numb as I murmured,

"No… she's not dead."

It almost seemed as if I was talking to myself. Silence curtained over us as Jasper and Alice stared at me, eyes wide. Their thoughts were whirring crazily, but I wisely ignored it.

"You… you mean… you… saw…?"

"Yes."

"When?"

"Just now."

Jasper asked cautiously in his mind, _And what did she say?_

"My name."

"That's all?"

I shrugged, not wanting to talk about it. I thought everything would be fine if I saw Bella again. If I could hold her, kiss her, tell her I love her.

"You bastard!"

I saw a blur of blonde. It was not Jasper or Alice who had jumped at me; it was Rosalie. Her face was reflecting pure anger as she slapped at my face. She screeched,

"I may not like Bella, but this is… this is so cruel of you! How could you?"

"Rosalie, stop!"

Alice tried to pull her away from me, but Rosalie was too determined and too angry.

"I saw you with Bella and the other man. And you… you! I thought that you would take her again, but you were too afraid, weren't you?"

I didn't respond, taking her sharp blows with an empty numbness. Her hand slapped at my cheeks with tingling pain. It at least diverted the agony in my heart. Rosalie gave one last blow of pain and got up slowly. Her topaz eyes were blazing as she said coldly,

"You don't deserve to even have Bella."

I didn't even bother to get up, but sat on the cold ground instead. I agreed. I didn't deserve her in the least. But… neither did the other man.

Emmett, Carlisle, and Esme soon came running toward us. Emmett examined Rosalie's angry expression and asked softly,

"What is going on?"

No one cared to reply. Rosalie was glaring at me. Jasper, Alice, and I were blankly staring at the sky or the grass. The silence hung over us like a tense rubber mass. Rosalie finally cut through the tension with her sharp voice,

"Bella was here, but Edward let her go as easily as he got her in the first place."

Esme turned her head to look at me, surprise and disappointment on her face.

"Why?"

Her voice was soft and gentle, but it would've been easier to swallow had she screamed it in my face. I hesitated before murmuring,

"She doesn't forgive me."

"What?"

Emmett stared at me in disbelief, shaking his head slightly. _But she was such a forgiving and selfless person. I can't believe it._

Neither can I, Emmett, neither can I.

I had always thought that _if _I had met Bella again, she would jump into my arms and readily forgive my monstrous actions. She had, of course, every right to be angry with me. However, I had not expected it. It was almost unthinkable.

"Perhaps…"

I turned my head slightly to see Carlisle leaning against the lamppost with a small frown on his face. _Perhaps it is best to forget._

I revolted it the first minute that I had heard it. Alice knelt beside me and murmured,

"He's right, Edward. Bella had moved on, and so should you."

I considered it in my head, an ache in my heart burning a hole through it.

"Never."

"Edward, think about it."

"No!"

I roared the word defiantly, my eyes turning coal black. Alice sighed, her golden eyes sad. I got up quickly and began to walk away.

"It's true; I have moved on."

I whipped my head quickly to see Bella in the shadowed corner, her arms folded. I must have not smelled her through my distractions.

"Bella?"

Alice ran towards her, crushing her into a hug. Bella did not make any moves to push her away. However, her eyes were still angry.

When Alice had let her go, Bella walked closer to our family, nodding at each of my family members with cold civility. She strode until she reached me.

"Edward."

Her voice was icy cold, not at all like the voice that I had run over through my head for years. My voice was weak as I whispered,

"Bella."

She darted her eyes away from me, and her cheeks became a bit pink.

"I moved on, Edward. And so should you."

I shook my head and whispered,

"No, Bella. I'll never forget you."

She lifted her head and stared into my eyes icily.

"You should. Because… I'm getting married, Edward."


	7. Chapter 7: I Can't Let You Go

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Twilight

This will be in Bella's POV

**I Can't Let You Go**

"To whom?"

Alice broke the silence with her soft whisper, her eyes wide and miserable. I couldn't bear to look into anyone's eyes as I shifted uncomfortably. The lamplight seemed to be too bright as I darted my eyes to the ground.

"To Adam. He was the one..."

I trailed off, assuming that they knew what I was trying to say. I cleared my throat nervously and nodded curtly once again.

"I have to go. He's waiting."

I turned around slowly, fighting back the tears that were welling in my eyes. Where had all the happy days gone? I had always imagined myself by Edward's side, smiling and loving him.

But he was the one who had left me.

He was the one who stopped loving me.

To this day, I still remembered his cold eyes, so emotionless and freezing. His lips had uttered the heart shattering words first, saying that he did not want me. The tears in my eyes seemed to have evaporated into the cool air.

"Bella, wait!"

I turned around at the familiar voice of Edward I had loved so much. I narrowed my eyes as I stared at my past agony standing before me.

"Please tell me what happened to you."

I felt my face harden as I glared at Edward, his perfect features frowning slightly.

"Why?"

Edward stared at me, his eyes wide in shock. I folded my arms neatly and waiting demandingly for his answer. His topaz eyes grew light as he answered,

"Because I love you, and I care."

I snorted, my eyebrows in an arch.

"Oh, really?"

I didn't even wait for his protests. With another cold glance, I turned on my heels and walked rapidly towards Adam. The tears that had gone started to flow freely down my cheeks.

"Bella!"

A hand gripped at my wrist, turning me around to face my former love. I avoided any eye contact as he stared at me intensely.

He whispered,

"It's not true, what I told you before. I love you."

I shook my head, and said sharply,

"Now you want me? Because you can't find anyone else?"

Edward's grip loosened and his hand fell to his side. He watched me as I began to walk towards my car.

I opened the door of the car and slipped in, turning away my face to hide my tears.

"Bella?"

I sniffed silently and croaked,

"Yes, Adam?"

"What happened?"

"It's…just…."

I hesitated, wiping away a small drop of tear from my chin before it could fall to my lap. We were getting married, and I believed that he had the right to know.

"It's just Edward, my high school boyfriend."

Adam chuckled and put a hand on my shoulder. He leaned over quickly to place a slight kiss on my cheek.

"I thought that girls should get over their high school boyfriends by now."

I smiled slightly and nodded.

"Well, he was special."

Adam frowned slightly and asked cautiously,

"Is he now?"

"Was."

I was half trying to convince myself as well as Adam as I whispered the word with a sad note in it.

I turned my hand around the soft moonlight, staring at my engagement ring sadly. The blood ruby sparkled lightly, but it was nothing but melancholy glitter. I sighed and put my hand back down on my lap.

"A week and we're married."

I let out a slight, humorless laugh. Three years ago, I was a naive teenager, believing herself to be in love with a perfect vampire. It was just too good to be true; I had to learn it the hard way.

_Flashback:_

Blinded by the water dripping into my eyes, I waved my limbs around me like a child. The water whirled around me, pushing me down. I choked and sputtered out water. I closed my eyes, the energy seeping out of my body quickly.

"Hello!"

I felt a grip on my hair, then on my arms.

Everything went black after that.

I opened my eyes to find myself wrapped tightly in a towel. I was lying on a bench of a moving boat. I spat out salty water and blinked twice. A man with black hair was staring at me with a frown on his face. I croaked,

"Jacob?"

The man smiled and shook his head.

"No, my name is Adam."

He had the most blazing green eyes that I had ever seen. His face radiated warmth and friendliness as he knelt beside me and held my cold hand in his warm ones.

"You are cold. You should rest more. Don't worry, we'll be at the hospital in no time at all."

"I don't need to go. I'm fine."

Adam shook his head firmly.

"No, you almost died."

He murmured "Excuse me" and carried me on his back. He got out of the boat and slipped me into his car.

I closed my eyes once again and leaned my head against the leather seat.

"You should have let me."

He let go of my hand. My hand fell to my side, almost like a corpse's. I shook my head and whispered,

"Edward."

He let me alone after that. We didn't go to the hospital after all, for which I was glad.

"What is your name?"

"Bella."

"Where is your house? I should take you there now."

I fluttered my eyelids open and shook my head fervently.

"Bella, you need to tell me—"

"No, please. I don't want to go back there ever again. Take me with you."

I did not say anymore. He could assume whatever he wanted, as long as he took me with him.

_End Flashback_

I wanted to forget everything, Forks, Edward, everything. Yet, he had to come back and bring back the past wounds.

And I have been living with him ever since. Adam was kind and handsome, always putting me before him. He was my distractions, my laughter in my pain.

But I wasn't sure if I could ever love him as I had loved Edward. Or, perhaps, love Edward. I buried my face in my hands.

Life was confusing.

**XXXXXXX**

One week later:

I walked down the gold trimmed carpet with a small smile on my face. The white lace clung to my body uncomfortably, but I ignored that as I held the white lilies in my gloved hand. Adam beamed at me as he stood before the preacher.

I gripped the flowers tightly, my heels creating soft clicks against the carpet.

I stopped when I stood by Adam.

The preacher began to talk, his eyes darting back and forth on the piece of paper. I felt a soft tear roll down my cheeks. This was it, and I wasn't sure if this was the right thing to do.

My ears suddenly perked up as the preacher droned,

"Speak now or forever hold your peace."

I glanced at Adam, his face beaming in pure happiness.

"I object."

I whirled around, my white dress flowing elegantly as I did so. The guests had turned like a tidal wave towards a person, standing up alone and adamant above the waves of people gathered.

His eyes turned to face mine, glowing topaz and beautiful.

A silence fell over the ceremony, angry and brooding.

This was the moment.

I turned to Adam and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek. I looked at him pleadingly and whispered,

"I'm sorry to say this here, Adam, but I think… I think that I will never be happy if I do this. I don't deserve you. I'm sorry."

I turned to the preacher and murmured,

"And I object as well."

I bit my lips as I slipped out of my uncomfortable high heels and ran out the door. The white veil fluttered freely out of my hair and landed on the carpet. I dropped my flowers and ran, tears flowing down my cheeks.

The spring breeze hit my face with a soft flutter. I ran until I couldn't see the chapel any longer.

I dropped to my knees and got in a fetal position. I sobbed until my body became exhausted. A little part of me wanted to walk back to the church, pick up my flowers, and carry on the procession as if nothing happened.

"Bella?"

I snapped up my head to see Edward standing before me, his lips in a small smile. I put my head back into my arms and whispered,

"Go away."

"I just couldn't let you go."

I didn't respond, listening to the soft breeze passing by my ear.

"I want to ask you a question."

I stood up unsteadily, not caring if my mascara was running down my face. I screamed at him,

"It wasn't for you! It was for me! My happiness! I don't love you!"

My heart shattered into a million pieces as Edward stood there, his face heartbreaking. I turned and ran again, but my bad balance just had to kick in. My left foot became tangled with my other foot, causing me to trip and stumble down.

I felt a pair of hands gently help me up. I sniffed as Edward let go of his grip. Edward turned away, starting to walk.

"Wait!"

I stood my ground as Edward turned back to me, his golden eyes miserable. I bit my lips as I murmured,

"No. Don't."

I backed away and shook my head. I whispered,

"You won't be the one to leave me now."

I gathered up the folds of my dress and whispered,

"It'll be me."

I turned on my heels and ran as quickly as I could. To where, I had no idea.

With no car, no money, barefoot, wearing a wedding dress, I walked away.

**Please review. I'm going on a vacation tomorrow so I won't be able to update for about a week, so please don't be angry if I don't update quickly. But it'd be so nice of you to review… tell me what you think.**


	8. Chapter 8: Alone

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Twilight.

I am so sorry that I haven't updated lately!!! I had so much testing and everything! This whole chapter took me a month to finish, because I was writing a quarter of a paragraph once in every 4 days… lol. Um, I hope you enjoy the next chapter and please review!! Thank you!

**Alone**

I held up the folds of my dress defiantly, my fingers gripping the silky fabric.

"Wait, Bella, we need to talk."

Half relieved, I turned around to see Edward folding his arms neatly and staring at me with icy, cold eyes. My heart froze as I examined his perfectly frightening expression. He walked towards me slowly, his eyes never flickering. It was as though he was hesitating, but of course, Edward would never hesitate. He could do everything with graceful perfection. He never hesitated; not even when he was leaving me. Edward walked closer, his golden eyes congealed and unmoving. He ran his fingers through his hair and sighed,

"You can I can't avoid each other forever. We might as well resolve harsh feelings."

I didn't reply. Not that he even gave me any time to in the first place. He continued, his voice getting harder after each syllable,

"It's so disappointing, after telling you so many times that I loved you—"

My harsh whisper cut through his sentence like a knife,

"Well, Edward, past words just don't cut it."

His face was tight, but I dared to continue.

"Sure, you told me _so many times _that you loved me. Then why did you _leave_?"

"Because I loved you and wanted to protect you!"

"No. That's not what you told me. It's so amazing how you only remembered that you said all these sweet things to me, yet you forget so easily the words that were cutting. Or is it that you aren't just admitting that? You're denying it? I'm sorry, but my memory is not like a sieve like you want it to be. Unfortunately, I'm not your little porcelain doll on your shelf."

Edward's cold face melted and his soft topaz eyes looked at me pleadingly.

"I had to tell you all those cutting things, Bella, really, I did. You wouldn't have believed me that I had to leave if I hadn't."

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I could feel Edward's gaze on me, but I chose to take my time. The fresh air went into my lungs with a refreshing, cool swirl. I gave another final breath and let it out deeply. I finally opened my eyes slowly, staring at the beautiful angel before me.

It was true. I was hurt, and I believed that I could not forgive Edward. Yet another part of me desperately wanted to forgive him and pretend nothing had happened.

"Edward…"

My voice became clogged in my throat, and my faltered, unable to continue. Edward stepped closer towards me, his face gentle. He put his hands on my shoulders and whispered,

"Bella, why can't you understand? I love you so much. So much."

I trembled at his loving words, but I dared not to believe him. I shook my head and whispered,

"Because I don't trust you."

Edward's eyes grew wide, his topaz eyes burning. He slowly took off his hands from my shoulders, his gaze never leaving me. My voice cracked as I continued,

"I don't think I am the one misunderstanding here. It's you."

He stood silently, a statue of marble. He seemed inanimate and cold, unfeeling and inhuman.

"You don't know what it has been like for me. Every second seemed like a dream when I was with you. I was constantly living in a shadow of doubt that you would leave me, and every time, you told me that you would never… and yet…"

I faltered, and a single tear rolled onto my cheek. I did not even care to wipe it away as I whispered,

"There was no solace for me when you left. You had to take away everything, and you even tried to rip me away from my memory."

I paused, not knowing what to say. It was strange: I had a thousand words I wanted to scream at him, a million words to whisper to him… and yet, I could not say anything. I bit my lips as I murmured,

"How could you?"

"Because it was in your best interest, Bella."

Edward's face had again turned cold, his eyes frozen ice.

"If you can't forgive me, then there is no use of staying here any longer."

My heart beat faster. So he was leaving me again. His voice was flat as he said,

"It has been wonderful to see you, Bella, and I hope you have much more happiness in your life than I will ever have."

He turned away, and started to walk slowly. I was about to collapse unto the ground when he turned paused from walking. He turned his head and murmured,

"Just remember. Everything I told you is the truth. I would never lie to you."

"But you did."

My voice came out in the faintest of whispers, a silk ribbon fluttering across the spring breeze. A normal person couldn't have heard it, but of course, Edward was not normal. He stopped entirely. All motion left him as he stood there, his back turned against me.

"You did."

My voice was louder now, ignited by my fury against him. Or perhaps, I said it because I wanted him to stay.

"Bella, where are you staying?"

"What?"

Edward turned around, his face grave. I repeated in an unbelieving voice,

"What?"

Edward sighed,

"You heard me clearly."

"It's not that I didn't hear you, it's just that—"

"Now that you had refused Adam's offer to marriage, you are not welcome anymore to his house, right?"

I cast down my eyes. He was right. I couldn't go back. I had nowhere to stay.

"I am not trying to make you uncomfortable in any way, but since you have nowhere—"

"That's ok."

My pride flared up inside me. There was no way that I was going to stay with Edward. I'd rather sleep in the streets than that.

"But, Bella…"

"I don't want to be of any burden."

"You won't be—"

I took in a deep breath, still trembling from the tension inside of me. I said,

"I am going to call Charlie."

"How?"

"It is none of your business, thank you."

"I don't want you to be asking for phones in a wedding dress, Bella."

"It's better than staying with you!"

I replied in a harsh voice, my eyebrows furrowed angrily. I sighed, then said in a softer voice,

"I don't want to argue anymore, Edward. Since this will be our last meeting, I want it to be at least friendly or cordial."

"Bella—"

I interrupted him with my little whisper,

"Good bye, Edward. I… loved you too. Once."

I turned my back on him and walked down the small hill. Gripping the large folds of my wedding dress, I walked down to the street. I ignored the stares the people gave me, their eyebrows raised. Swallowing my pride, I went up to a young man and asked,

"Sir, do you have a cell phone with you?"

He gave me a strange look, but complied immediately. I gave him a small smile and dialed Charlie's phone number.

"Hi… Dad…. This is Bella."

There was a pause, a sickening one too. Was Charlie angry at me? I was sincerely sorry that I had made him worry, but…

"Bella? Oh my goodness, Bella? You…"

"Dad, I'm really sorry, but I just need to tell you that I am coming home. I don't know… but… I'll get there sooner or later. Sometime this week."

"Honey… I missed you."

Suddenly, tears began to fall. I sobbed,

"Yeah… I missed you too, Dad."

I hung up, wiping the tears from my eyes. I handed the phone to him and murmured,

"Thank you."

"Do you need any money?"

I looked at him, surprised. He had a kind look on his face as he explained,

"You seem to be in trouble."

"Yeah… I am…"

He fished out a wallet from his pocket and took out three hundred dollar bills.

"I think this will be sufficient to get to your home."

I stammered uncertainly,

"This is too much…"

He smiled and said,

"When you get home, you can pay me back. My phone number…"

He jotted down his number and handed that with the money. I smiled gratefully at him and said,

"I'll pay you back. I promise… your name…?"

"Alex."

"Thank you, Alex. I'm Bella."

Alex smiled and caught a taxi for me. I thanked him as I got into the car. He waved as the taxi zoomed by.

I began to break down in tears as soon as the taxi drove away.

"Miss, are you alright? Wedding gone wrong?"

The driver turned back, his eyes crinkled worriedly.

I replied weakly,

"Terribly wrong."

I sighed, and buried my face in my hands. What was I doing? Was this what I really wanted all along?

"Sir, what would you do if someone you love did something terribly wrong to you, yet you still love them deep inside?"

He smiled and made a left turn.

"Go back, of course."

I gave him a small smile and asked,

"Then will you?"

He seemed surprised, but nodded quickly. The taxi's tires squealed slightly as it made a U-turn and headed back to the road we had just came from.

I bit my lips and shook my head.

Stupid me. Letting my heart take control.

I paid that driver and got out of the car. I shut the door closed and turned around, unsure of what to do next. But I didn't need to do anything: Edward was standing before me, his topaz eyes smoldering. Before I could say another word, he folded me into an embrace and leaned down to kiss my lips.

When he drew slightly away, I smiled and whispered,

"I had to."

Edward brushed his finger slightly across my cheeks and murmured,

"I was waiting for you."

I buried my face into his chest and muttered,

"So was I, Edward. All this time."


	9. Chapter 9: Felicity is Forever

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Twilight

**Felicity is Eternal**

I loved him.

I love him.

I will always love him.

I wrapped my arms around his neck as he gently kissed my cheek, a smile spreading on my face. Edward's cool hands gently pushed himself away as he looked at me with a returning grin.

He brushed his finger against my cheek as I closed my eyes. I whispered,

"I have been dreaming of this for forever, Edward Cullen."

"So have I, Bella Swan."

I smiled and kissed his lips with a small peck.

"Soon to be Bella Cullen."

He laughed, sending out bells of merriment. I laughed along with him, and I pushed him away playfully.

"What is so funny?"

"Nothing. I'm just… really… happy."

I grabbed his hand and tugged it.

"Come on, Mr. Cullen. We have a family to visit."

He pulled me closer to him and carried me bridal style. Well, I _was _wearing a wedding dress. I laughed as he tickled my chin with his fluttering kisses.

"Right. But we'll be there vampire style."

He ran up the hill human speed, and when out of sight, he ran like the wind. I held unto him, laughing the whole time.

This was my happy end.

And a happy beginning.


End file.
